Perfect Life (Poem)

Blue seeps though this blackness
Yet no birds lurk among the leaves
I can’t sleep through this loneliness
Someones loving presence is all I need

Take a moment to look around
There are no leaves on the trees
In this cold there is no sound
Yet a perfect world everyone sees

No one can see through my skin
They can’t see this hurt buried deep inside
Unknown is this life full of sin
And the demons haunting my tainted mind

As the sky returns to black
I know this time I won’t be set free
Soon, it will come before I crack
A new life, then, I shall see

Why I Will Never Kill Myself

So people out there in the world have loads of things going on in there lives all of the time. You never know what someone is thinking, or what is going on behind the curtains. They may hold a strong public image, but in the background they are having serious issues merely staying alive.

Today we are going to discuss the different perspectives people seem to have of suicide, why people are pushed to this, and why I personally, will never kill myself.

First of all, people are pushed to the edge every day. As an example, an ex of mine had loads of stuff happen to her. We are talking rape, abuse, she was made homeless. All of this was going on, and some of it while I was with her as well. Now she wanted to kill herself. In all fairness it is understandable. However, she didn’t. I am genuinely surprised that she didn’t, but she didn’t, nonetheless. She was strong, and yet unfortunately everything she had got through had scarred her both physically and emotionally, and therefore, this was one of the reasons we didn’t work out in the end.

She got through all of that, and is still around today to tell the tale. How come she hasn’t killed herself, and yet people who have been through less have?

Well it comes down to loneliness, personal strength, and experience. Yes I said the word experience. This may sound weird, but hear me out. First of all, if you have friends, you can come through almost anything. Now I have no friends almost still to this day, and I have come out of everything I have been through, but that leads onto the second point. Personal strength. I am not going to lie, emotionally I am strong. Very strong. I haven’t been psychologically affected by what I have been through really. The only way it has had an impact on me is that I don’t trust people. Like, anyone. Ever. I just don’t trust anyone. That is probably the only thing that has happened as a result of my life. Some people are weaker then others. If you let things get to you easily, then they will affect you more, and you will let these problems take over your life, and you fear they will stay for the rest of your life. The final factor is experience. You need experience with life’s issues. You need to learn to always expect the worst in every situation. This is what I do. You also need to understand that things will get better. I know this from experience. Everyones life has good moments. If you are on a downer you need to always realize that a) there is someone out there who has it worse then you, and b) the future will get better. No matter what. I know this. I know that in the future, I will find myself a wife, we will have children, and I will be on a well paid job. Of course, I have no way of knowing this for certain, but I have hope. I also know that I won’t settle for anything else, and the sheer determination I hold inside me is enough of a drive to get me to my goal.

Of course, some people can’t see these things. I know because I have been in a situation of pure sadness, and you feel like the world will never change. However when your head clears, you start to see things clearly again. After I broke up with my fiancée  I felt terrible. I felt like my life had no meaning. Then time passes. You realize that it just wasn’t meant to be. You pick yourself, dust yourself off and move on. Why? Because the entire world isn’t a bad place. There is someone out there for you. You will  have better days. You will become happy again.

Now to go the second part of this article. Peoples opinions.

People have varying opinions on the subject of suicide. They both make sense in some lights. A lot of people think that suicide is selfish, and people shouldn’t take there lives when it will wreck other peoples as well. I understand this, and I can see where they are coming from. If someone is distraught, and feels terrible, and wants to take there life, of course they should think about everyone else, and what will happen to others if they take there own life, however, if someone is so unhappy in there life that they have that thought and are pushed to this point then is it really fair to expect them to stay alive just for other people?

Then there is my opinion, and most other peoples. If someone is having a terrible life, and they see no possible increase in happiness in even the distant future, I feel they have a right to end there own life. It is there’s to do with as they please. It is terrible if someone wants to do this of course, but if they are pushed to it, then it is there own choice.

On the other hand… let me talk for a moment about teen suicides. What utter bullshit! Now, there are legitimate cases out there of teens who really do have terrible lives. They really have had terrible things happen to them. Ok, I can understand them wanting to end there own lives. If, however, there is a 14 year old girl who is being bullied, and her parents don’t seem to care or whatever. First of all, talk to someone. Secondly, call the NSPCC if they really don’t care or if it is upsetting. Thirdly, wait it out. I was bullied. I got through it. I am still here. I haven’t even come close to my breaking point. Those kind of teen suicides I think are stupid. That isn’t enough of a reason. You haven’t even lived through the really difficult stuff in life. The stuff that really pushes you to the limits of what you can take. Of course, if you are going through more, then this is a real reason for you to want to kill yourself. If you are being abused, raped, or anything else, it is understandable. However if you are just being bullied a bit? No, this isn’t enough.

So I will never ever kill myself. I have hope for the future. I know my life will bring good things to me in time. No I don’t have faith, I don’t believe in a God. I don’t believe something will come and save me. I need to work for my happiness. All the stress I have been through and come out of is just life’s way of testing me. I will reap the rewards one day. Life can be a bitch, but you fight through it.

Everyone out there, stay strong, and have a good, positive day. Like, comment, follow, and do whatever else if you enjoyed this article.

The Life Poster

A Step in the Right Direction (Personal Tales #3)

So I have decided to do weekly personal tales… to sort of give my avid followers (however minute they may be) an insight into my mind, and the life that I lead.

I will start with where I left off in Personal Tales #2. Me having to break up with my fiancee for personal reasons. That hurt. Literally, I still feel the heart ache, and yet it has all been easier then I thought. Why? Well, I have been feeling this way for a while. You see, my fiancee did many unforgivable things during the course of our relationship. However, I am not going to lie, I made my own mistakes as well, which, whilst not as bad as hers, where still bad enough to cause a lack of trust, and tension. What she did however, and continued to do for the course of our relationship was also bad (it wasn’t cheating or anything, but let’s just she say she had ‘problems’).

This all caused such a stress and burden on me. Especially some other things (again, which I will discuss at length later when I feel better about discussing it). However, now I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of me. Whilst I am still tied to her for life, I feel like I can start again, which is what I am doing right now.

In the time between then and now I have been talking to a girl I shall call… ‘Beaver’. Why? Because I am crude, and her name begins with the same two letters. I started talking to her on Saturday. It has all been smooth sailing since. We have been hitting it off well, and that all seems to be good. The problem with Beaver is however, she has a friend… who we shall call ‘Terrace’. Terrace is super besties with Beaver. To the point of them being inseparable. Literally, and I am yet to see Beaver without Terrace. Despite us expressing mutual interest in each other. Terrace does have a few problems of her own, and I know Beaver has some as well, which has caused anxiety trouble.

Now ladies who read this, tell me, do you think anxiety trouble could cause such lack of confidence, and such extreme anxiety that you couldn’t go anywhere without you friend? She is completely and utterly normal at home, and she is nice, friendly, and extremely beautiful. She is perfect for me (except her slight lack of good grammar) except for this one thing. It is a MAJOR problem though. I always seem to attract girls with problems. Always. As if I am drawn to them like iron to a magnet, and yet I just want a hassle-free relationship for once. Is that too much too ask?

Tell me what you think I should do. Like please. I need advice here.

Continuing on anyway, I am talking to two pretty cool people right now. There is a third who I am also on alright terms with. I would call one of them a friend (for how long is my question though) and the other two acquaintances probably. So I am getting somewhere. Thank God.

Anyway, thank you all for reading. Let me know what you think I should do in this Beaver and Terrace situation.

The Life Poster

Andrew Garfield Fired as Spider Man

So basically Andrew Garfield has been fired as Spider Man… why? Well The Amazing Spider Man 2 underperformed A LOT. Even worse then The Amazing Spider Man. Sony’s original plans where to have ‘The Sinister Six’ come out in around 2015/2016 along with a ‘Venom’ movie and another film simply known as ‘A Film in the Spider Man Universe with a Female Lead’. This would then be followed with The Amazing Spider Man 3. This has all gone downhill after the second film underperformed.

Now the ‘Venom’ film has been scrapped, along with The Amazing Spider Man 3. Andrew Garfield isn’t going to be Spider Man anymore, however a Spider Man in some form will be in ‘The Sinister Six’ movie which is still going ahead. Personally I think this is terrible. I thought Andrew Garfield portrayed Peter Parker and Spider Man really well. He beat Tobey Maguire as well in my opinion.

Of course, this isn’t officially confirmed yet, but it almost certainly is true. An article has been published on badassdigest.com along with inside information.

Anyway thank you all for reading, I hope this is as crushing to you as it has been for me.

The Life Poster

Further reading:

Original Source

Lonely Soldier (Personal Tales #1)

Anyone else heard that great song? It’s originally by Damien Rice, and it is such a powerful and emotional folk song. I love it so much. Anyway, this really is a personal post for me. The alliteration there makes it sound more humorous then personal though. I have a feeling that this post isn’t going to get so many views because it is personal, but I always seem to be surprised.

So throughout my life, I have been constantly haunted by depression. I don’t have as many problems in my life as loads of people, but I still do have a few. Since I was young I have always battled everything on my own. I was bullied as a child, right through to when I left secondary school at 15. That was always a big deal. Being bullied doesn’t just affect your personally though. Back then I had a couple of people I used to ‘hang around’ with. They weren’t friends really, but the thing is, being bullied pushes them away. They see you are vulnerable, in there minds they realize you aren’t strong, so they distance themselves from you. It may not even be intentional, but I know one thing. I don’t talk to them anymore.

From when I was born I have never really had friends. I have kept my distance from people. Usually intentionally, sometimes (like now) unintentionally. I have always kept myself to myself, and I prefer my own company to other peoples. I can trust myself. I don’t have to worry about other people judging me when I am on my own.

Over the last year I have been put under a great deal of stress. I am not going to go into everything that has happened but it is a lot. I feel like I have only experienced a tenth of the stress I will have to go through in my life though, and I am usually eerily on target when it comes to my predictions. The last year has been absolutely insane, and somehow, I have got through everything all by myself. I have been with my girlfriend for most of it, but I have coped with the stress all myself. I am proud of getting through it. Most people talk to someone else, and get through it with other peoples help. Me? No.

To those of you who follow my posts, I said before that Emos are like Chavs. I was probably a bit harsh in that post, but I hold a grudge against Emos. A few emos have gone through a lot in there lives, I know that, I have met some. Those people, I have sympathy for, but most, have serious issues because of what they have been through. Even they, have had people standing by them through everything, or even just portions of it. Me? I have had no friends throughout my entire life. In my final year at school I clung onto one person in an attempt at getting a friend but he turned his back on me, and I am glad about that. I don’t need two-faced people in my life. I have had no friends, ever. I call myself the lonely solider. Why? I am lonely. Very lonely. I am also a soldier, battling through everything, and to this day I keep going.

Anyway, this is the most personal I am ever going to get, and I haven’t even revealed much of what has gone on. Just so you know, almost nothing has happened in my life in comparison to other peoples. I am just different to most because I have no one, and yet I am still sane, which worries me. Maybe I am saving all the anxiety for one huge outburst, and then I will be sent to an asylum.

Thanks all for reading, follow for future posts that will be nothing at all like this because I am never really going to get personal again. Oh, and like this if you enjoyed it!

The Life Poster.

Lonely Soldier – Damien Rice