Perfect Life (Poem)

Blue seeps though this blackness
Yet no birds lurk among the leaves
I can’t sleep through this loneliness
Someones loving presence is all I need

Take a moment to look around
There are no leaves on the trees
In this cold there is no sound
Yet a perfect world everyone sees

No one can see through my skin
They can’t see this hurt buried deep inside
Unknown is this life full of sin
And the demons haunting my tainted mind

As the sky returns to black
I know this time I won’t be set free
Soon, it will come before I crack
A new life, then, I shall see

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Lonely Soldier (Personal Tales #1)

Anyone else heard that great song? It’s originally by Damien Rice, and it is such a powerful and emotional folk song. I love it so much. Anyway, this really is a personal post for me. The alliteration there makes it sound more humorous then personal though. I have a feeling that this post isn’t going to get so many views because it is personal, but I always seem to be surprised.

So throughout my life, I have been constantly haunted by depression. I don’t have as many problems in my life as loads of people, but I still do have a few. Since I was young I have always battled everything on my own. I was bullied as a child, right through to when I left secondary school at 15. That was always a big deal. Being bullied doesn’t just affect your personally though. Back then I had a couple of people I used to ‘hang around’ with. They weren’t friends really, but the thing is, being bullied pushes them away. They see you are vulnerable, in there minds they realize you aren’t strong, so they distance themselves from you. It may not even be intentional, but I know one thing. I don’t talk to them anymore.

From when I was born I have never really had friends. I have kept my distance from people. Usually intentionally, sometimes (like now) unintentionally. I have always kept myself to myself, and I prefer my own company to other peoples. I can trust myself. I don’t have to worry about other people judging me when I am on my own.

Over the last year I have been put under a great deal of stress. I am not going to go into everything that has happened but it is a lot. I feel like I have only experienced a tenth of the stress I will have to go through in my life though, and I am usually eerily on target when it comes to my predictions. The last year has been absolutely insane, and somehow, I have got through everything all by myself. I have been with my girlfriend for most of it, but I have coped with the stress all myself. I am proud of getting through it. Most people talk to someone else, and get through it with other peoples help. Me? No.

To those of you who follow my posts, I said before that Emos are like Chavs. I was probably a bit harsh in that post, but I hold a grudge against Emos. A few emos have gone through a lot in there lives, I know that, I have met some. Those people, I have sympathy for, but most, have serious issues because of what they have been through. Even they, have had people standing by them through everything, or even just portions of it. Me? I have had no friends throughout my entire life. In my final year at school I clung onto one person in an attempt at getting a friend but he turned his back on me, and I am glad about that. I don’t need two-faced people in my life. I have had no friends, ever. I call myself the lonely solider. Why? I am lonely. Very lonely. I am also a soldier, battling through everything, and to this day I keep going.

Anyway, this is the most personal I am ever going to get, and I haven’t even revealed much of what has gone on. Just so you know, almost nothing has happened in my life in comparison to other peoples. I am just different to most because I have no one, and yet I am still sane, which worries me. Maybe I am saving all the anxiety for one huge outburst, and then I will be sent to an asylum.

Thanks all for reading, follow for future posts that will be nothing at all like this because I am never really going to get personal again. Oh, and like this if you enjoyed it!

The Life Poster.

Lonely Soldier – Damien Rice

The Stress of Education… is it Good or Bad?

This article is going to follow on a bit from the subject I talked about yesterday. The Postives and Negatives of Technology, and Views of Modern Society.┬áSo if you didn’t read that article, I would recommend it, but if you can’t be bothered because you came for THIS article, and not the OTHER one, then I will quickly recap. Yesterday I spoke about how people who have been brought up in this ‘digital’ world that we currently live in are doing nothing with there lives, and aspire to be on benefits for the rest of there lives, or do a 9-5 job for minimum wage.

Now today’s topic is about the stress of education, and how school kids are put under extreme stress if they want to achieve good grades. The education board is, in response, making the exams increasingly difficult, and marking them increasingly harder. Now I don’t know what this is like in the states, but I am from the UK and all I can say is, it is ridiculous the amount of stress school kids go under, and the main thing that I actually laugh about is that all of the exams literally involve memorizing things for the tests, and then forgetting them after. School doesn’t teach you about paying bills and taxes. No, it teaches you complex algorithms and all about matter, and dissecting frogs. Do we need to learn this? No, and yet maths and science are compulsory subjects. I have never wanted to be a scientist or a mathematician, and yet I took them at GCSE, and STILL TO THIS DAY I have not used ANY of them. I don’t give a shit about protons, neutrons and electrons and how some of them move really fast when you heat up water.

Let’s go back to yesterdays topic about those idiots sitting at home all day. Now these kinds of people don’t really want to do much with there lives, and, ironically, they may have been put in this mindset BY the stress which is caused from school and college, and exams, because they realized how tough it is to do well, and how much anxiety it can cause you, so they just gave up on there dreams and settled for sitting in the house all day eating wotsits and getting a blowjob from a prostitute every other day.

Going to school and trying to achieve your dreams IS really stressful. I know, I have been there, and even know I am still working towards what I really want to do in live, however is this anxiety justified? The other side of the argument says that, it is, because it separates those people who are determined to find there real path in life from those who can’t get over the first hurdle. It can also show people a general view which you should carry with you throughout life. If you try really hard, and get through the bad things, you will eventually get a good result.

However… is it really worth it?

Here in the UK you only get your first real qualification when you are 16 years old. You go through Nursery, Infant School, Junior School AND Secondary School all just to get a qualification so you can get a job. In the last few years, you find yourself revising every night, and throwing away any chance you might have of a real social life, just so you get the result that you want. Now I found the stress too immense, which is why in the end I found that I under-performed at GCSE level, which I do regret, but as I always say, it wasn’t REALLY my fault. Back when there was less stress, and Junior School, I out-performed most people. I didn’t revise EVERY night, and yet I got a good result. Why was that? Well, because there was no REAL stress. The thought that if I didn’t get a good result, I wouldn’t get to college, I wouldn’t get a job… none of that was there.

On the contrary, I know some people actually work well under stress. It makes them revise that much harder, and when they finally get that taste of sweet success, it makes it that much better. So that person who sits on his ass all day eating wotsits… maybe if he fought through that stress and actually got a taste of success, and his real life dreams were in sight, maybe he would be more motivated to fight to achieve his dreams. So he would be separated from the people who couldn’t get over the first hurdle, so does that mean that the stress is good? Does it really serve a purpose?

In my opinion, no. The kinds of stress that people go through can cause life long problems. It causes what I call, so pleasantly, the circle of woe. When you are at school, for example, you revise a lot, and if you are, the stereotypical ‘nerd’, then you will, because you revise a lot, not socialize as much with people, causing you to become isolated, and alone. This, combined with the stress of education, can cause depression. So you suffer it throughout your school life. Then it continues onto your college life. When you start, you still suffer from it, and therefore you don’t want to socialize because people think you are weird because you LOOK depressed. Then you get worried about your looks because, you think, is it because I am unattractive? This can then go further, and lead to self-harm, or even suicide, but if you are lucky, you cane escape the circle, by seeking help, or, of course, by escaping at the end of your school life. However, unfortunately, you can become trapped in the circle. I myself was once caught in the circle, but I have since escaped partially.

The stress caused by education is too much in my opinion. Whilst the government seem to think that they need to challenge kids more, I feel that they are challenged enough, and they need to, maybe even relax the marking of exams more. They feel too many people are getting good grades, well doesn’t that mean that education is working? Teachers are doing there jobs right? This whole system is bad. You know when adults say ‘I wish I was young again’ well that is because they enjoyed there childhood. At this rate, when the current generation reaches that nostalgic phase, they will still be nostalgic, but they won’t want to relive there youth, because they didn’t enjoy it. We only live one time, we should enjoy it, and not be forced to battle with stress and anxiety for all of our lives.

Thanks for reading,

The Life Poster